Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize