did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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