Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
