Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
are you so shy because you have an std?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize