No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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