No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
