I just cut my nipple shaving
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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