I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
