are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
