i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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