dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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