The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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