Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
