I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
