so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
