Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
