the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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