I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
