My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
