My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize