I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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