I puked a lego.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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