so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
