That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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