I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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