i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
