ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
