Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
