Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
