I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
