You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
