You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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