bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
