he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
