I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
