ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
