The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
