and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
