We won't sleep together?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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