She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
