Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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