I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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