dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
