one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
