I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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