you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
