woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
