i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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