i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
