My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
