Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
