just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
