I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
