pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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