So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
