Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
