quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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