You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
