toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
