I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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