Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
