just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think pants incapable of making pants work
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
