Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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