yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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