I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
