This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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