Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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