Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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