Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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