i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
