something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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