the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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