I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
