remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
