I looked at my own cervix.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
