dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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