I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
