Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize