we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
