I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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