and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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