so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
