I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize