I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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