Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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