I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
