So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize