Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
