i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
