she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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