I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
