Taylor Swift is so right about you.
one might say we're banned from that church
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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