Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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