can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
