i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
