12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
