and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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