You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
