Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize