Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
